پرسش: چه کار کنم تا همسرم مرا به اندازه بچه ها دوست داشته باشد؟
خود را خوشبخت می دانم، شوهری دارم که بهترین دوست من حساب می شود. دو تا دختر سالم داریم. شرمنده ام اعتراف کنم که نسبت به دختران خود حسادت میکنم. حقیقت این است که همسرم به بچه ها بیش از من مهربانی و توجه می کند. از اینکه پدر خوبی است افتخار می کنم، اما نیاز دارم رابطه ی نزدیکتری با شوهرم داشته باشم. سعی کردم با او صحبت کنم او صحبتهای مرا انتقاد تلقی کرده و از من دورتر شده است. آیا پرتوقع هستم؟
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خودت چه حدس می زنی؟ حسادت پنهان شما به دختران که علاقه و رفتار عاشقانه شوهرتان را دریافت می کنند در هزاران زوج دیگر هم وجود دارد. مطمئن باش آدم بد، خودخواه و غیرعادی نیستی. مهر و علاقه شوهرت به اندازه نیاز شامل حالت نمی شود. بسیاری از مردان نیز چنین گله ای را از زنان خود دارند. اشتیاق به اینکه شوهرت با تو مهربان باشد و باران عشق و محبتی را که نثار دختران می کند شامل حال تو هم بشود، به هیچ وجه اشتباه نیست. البته شما حسود هستید، دختر کوچک درون شما تشنه عشق و محبتی است که شوهر شما ظرفیت آن را دارد، کما اینکه عملا چنین مهر و محبتی نسبت به بچه ها بروز می کند. می دانم حس وحشتناکی است که آدم مشاهده کند بچه هایی را که خودش به دنیا آورده رقیب او شده اند. آنچه که اتفاق افتاده همین است. این به شما کمک می کند تا بدانید شوهرتان کجا ایستاده است؟ میبینی چه ساده با بچه ها با علاقه و احساس خوب قاطی شده و به آنها محبت می کند. بچه ها عیب جویی نمی کنند، انتقاد نمی کنند، عیوب را نمی بینند، او را بدون قید و شرط دوست دارند.
شوهرت حس می کند بچه ها او را خالصانه و کامل دوست دارند. رابطه را بسیار سالم حس می کند. لذا قلب خود را که جایگاه عشق و محبت است به آنها تقدیم می کند. اما با شما داستان فرق می کند. شما مثل دخترها او را مجسمه ی خوبی نمی بینی، شما فکر نمیکنی هر چه او می گوید درست است، او را آن طور که واقعا هست می بینی. برای او مشکل است همان طور که با دخترها راحت و ایمن است با شما هم باشد. این در مورد قریب به اتفاق والدین صادق است. اینکه همسر را به اندازه بچه ها دوست بداریم یک چالش است. این موضوع نکته اصلی هر ازدواجی است باید یاد بگیریم کسی را که دوست داریم عیوبی هم دارد. جدا از این پاسخ عاطفی، پاسخ دیگری هم دارم. رابطه ی زناشویی را در اولویت اول قرار دهید، سپس به رابطه والدین به بچه ها توجه کنید. ضروری است که شما فرد شماره یک شوهر خود باشید نه اینکه عشق و علاقه شوهر متوجه دخترها باشد بعد اگر چیزی ماند نصیب شما شود.
اگر ازدواج شما سالم و ناپایدار نیست اینکه بچه ها چقدر حس کنند پدر مهربانی دارند مقوله ای نیست. شما به رنجش خود ازآنها پایان دهید. آنها رشد می کنند بدون اینکه بدانند یک زن چه رفتاری باید داشته باشد. اما هر چه رابطه شما و همسرتان مستحکم و خوب باشد، هر دو می توانید بهتر به بچه ها عشق بورزید. خوشحالی و بذل علاقه و عشق به شما باید اساس و سرلوحه ی توجه شوهرتان در روابط خانوادگی باشد. چه این کار محیط خانه را برای عشق ورزیدن به بچه ها آماده نگه می دارد. هر چه شما خوشحال تر باشید، دختران شما بیشتر خوشحال خواهند بود. به او بگویید من اینها را گفته ام!!!
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