چرا احساس حقارت میکنیم؟

از /

(( تا خودت نخواهی، هیچ کس نمیتواند موجب احساس حقارت در تو میشود))                                                                                                                                                     النور روزولت

بی شک تا به حال این نقل قول معروف را شنیده اید اما من دوست دارم علت این احساس را بررسی کنم.اصولا چرا به خودمان اجازه میدهیم احساس حقارت کنیم؟ یک سری قانون مشخص و کلی وجود دارد که نشان میدهد چرا در شرایط به خصوصی احساس میکنیم کسی درست به همان چیزهایی که بهشان حساسیت داریم اشاره و با حرکات و حرف هایش عصبانی و ناراحتمان میکند. اگرچه شاید هم دلیل هایی که در زیر به آن ها اشاره میشود؛ دقیقا روی حساسیت های شما انگشت گذاشته باشد.

منشا احساس تان را بررسی کنید( آنچه باعث شده به شما چنین احساسی دست بدهد).

نظر فردی که از شما انتقاد کرده، برایتان مهم است. یعنی یکی از همان کسانی است که بهشان احترام میگذارید، یا دوستشان دارید یا احساس میکنید نظرشان به نوعی بر زندگی تان اثر می گذارد و در نتیجه گفته هایشان را جدی میگرید. اگر دلیل ناراحتی شما این مورد نبود، نباید آن انتقاد را به خود بگیرید. به این مثال توجه کنید:

اگر شوهرم مرا با گوشواره های جدیدم ببیند و بگوید: چه گوشواره های خنده داری! مسلما دلم میشکند و احساسم جریحه دار میشود. اما اگر بچه ی دو ساله ی همسایه جلو بیاید و بگوید: چه گوشواره های خنده داری! این حرفش را سبک سنگین میکنم و منبع آن را می یابم:

_ این فقط یک بچه ی کوچک است که درست نمیشناسمش.

_ این بچه هنوز به اندازه ی کافی به قواعد و کلمه های زبان مادری اش تسلط ندارد. پس شاید منظورش بامزه یا جالب بوده نه خنده دار.

_ به طور کلی، با این که شاید استثناهایی هم باشد فکر نمیکنم یک بچه ی دو ساله از جواهرات چیزی بداند.

احساس حقارت

 

در هر حال واقعیت این است که چه گوشواره های من خنده دار باشند یا عجیب و غریب، نکته ی مورد، خود گوشواره نیست. نکته ی مهم منبع این حرف است یعنی شخصی که این حرف را زده و من ناخودآگاه این احساس بد،حقارت،عصبانیت یا هر احساس ناخوشایند دیگری را صرفا بر اساس منبع حرف او و نه واقعیتی که آن حرف در خود دارد قبول کرده ام.

دلیل دیگری که ممکن است موجب شود احساس حقارت و ناراحتی کنید: احساس میکنید حرف طرف مقابل درست است.

گاهی احساس میکنید که حرف طرف مقابل درست است، یا دست کم میتوانید درک کنید که چرا طرف مقابل فکر میکند حرفش درست است. برای نمونه به این مورد توجه کنید: اگر کسی به من بگوید مادر بدی هستم، مطمئنا درست روی مسئله ای که خیلی به آن حساسیت دارم انگشت گذاشته است. در نتیجه کنجکاو میشوم بدانم آیا درست شنیده ام. فکر نمیکنم در دنیا مادری باشد که واکنشی جز این داشته باشد ولی من فکر میکنم مادر خوبی هستم یعنی مطمئن هستم که مادر بدی نیستم. پس این فرضیه از کجا آمده است؟ در حقیقت در برخورد با چنین شرایطی نسبت به محبت مادری ام شک میکنم. در عین حال خوب میدانم اگر هر مادری گاهی اوقات به مهارت های بچه داری اش شک نکند آن طور که باید نقش خودش را جدی نگرفته است. به همین ترتیب ما در محیط کارمان در مقام یک کارمند عمل های مان را در کار روزمره مان ارزیابی میکنیم و برای اطمینان از موفقیت پایدارمان خود را با کارمان تطبیق میدهیم. در واقع بسیاری از ما سالانه کارهایمان را دوباره بررسی میکنیم اما از آنجا که در رابطه های شخصی معمولا چنین کاری نمیکنیم وظیفه ی خود ماست که گاه ایرادهای خود را ببینیم و در صورت لزوم خود را با موقعیت جدید سازگار کنیم. هر قدر درباره ی چیزی مطمئن باشد انگار کمتر احتیاج به دفاع از عقیده تان دارید

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